Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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