I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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