Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
