i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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