Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize