I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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