Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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