i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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