my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
