Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
i now understand why vodka
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
