SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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