I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
this hospital has no fireball
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize