i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
