just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Randomize
