Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
