apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
