you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
