I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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