the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
