there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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