I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
