I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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