Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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