Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
