i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize