your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
