he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
