Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
