all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
