it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
