I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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