In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
