tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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