Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
