just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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