I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
