she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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