I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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