I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
