He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
