I wish I only lived at night.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
