okay pat passed out under dana's car
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
