I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize