dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
