I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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