i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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