After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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