I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
4 words: hood of his car
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
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