I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
