there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
