I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize