I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Shame is for Republicans.
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