Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
then he tried to convert me to islam
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
