I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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