Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
