tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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