After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
