There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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