why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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