tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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