Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
