I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
