I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
