my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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