I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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