Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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