Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
