I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I think i got beer on your cat.
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