And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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