When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
