Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
