dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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