no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I will pee on everything he values.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
