Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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