Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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