It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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